The Most Honest Review of STARDUST you'll ever read.

We were able to procure advance tickets to Stardust through my friend Ange, and because it was quite a big group of us heading to the show, the party atmosphere was in high-swing. Drinks were had, and I don’t want to incriminate anyone, but someone in our group *COUGH* Goddard *COUGH* smuggled in some Beefeater Wet Gin and Juice into the theater. What better way to celebrate this Neil Gaiman novel coming to the silver screen than by having a couple swigs from the old flask?

I have not read the novel on which this film was based, but was given a short synopsis beforehand by my fellow viewers. Apparently a lot of the beginning is skimmed over but it’s not important to the story. The film starts out interesting enough. A son (Tristan played by Charlie Cox) is born to mortal man Dunstan (young Dunstan Ben Barnes) and entrapped princess Una (Kate Magowan) in a magical world beyond a wall that is guarded by a very old man. Tristan is raised by his Dunstan and has fallen in love with slightly rich-bitch Victoria (Sienna Miller).

In the magical elseworld, on the other side of the wall, a King (Peter O'Toole) is dying and his 7 sons (some of which are just ghosts, hanging out and haunting the rest of the family) are vying for the kingship. In his final gesture, the king chucks his Ruby necklace out the window and proclaims that whichever son retrieves it will be deemed his processor. Old man has a mighty throw, as the ruby flies into the sky and knocks a star so hard that falls to the ground. Tristan and Victoria are sharing a drink that evening, and Victoria spies the falling star. She tells Tristan that if he can retrieve the star for her that she will marry him.

Tristan tells his father (old Dunstan played by Nathaniel Parker) of his journey and his understanding father gives him some magic items to help his son on his quest.

Tristan is not the only one that sees the falling star, as it turns out 3 elder witches also witness this and make plans to get the star for themselves, as it seems the power the star possesses will regenerate them into youthful beauties once more – Michelle Pfeiffer plays the main witch and takes the last of their previous captured stars’ power to transform into a youthful beauty and gain the strength she needs to ensnare the newly fallen star.

Tristan uses this magic to find the star Yvaine (Claire Danes) and he is able to trap her with another bit of magic…

Then, um, I fell asleep. I cannot lie dear readers, either the limited special effects or perhaps the gin did a number on my brain and I took a little nap right there in the theater.

I awoke to see Robert DeNiro (as Captain Shakespeare) prancing on the screen in a brassiere and panties, the audience was laughing heartily. I guess it seemed funny enough.

Not funny enough to keep me awake however, as I fell asleep again.

I was roused for the last 20 minutes of the movie, the epic fight between good and evil, the “misunderstanding”, the realization of true love, the crowning of the true king, and all that jazz. Honestly, what I saw was pretty cute, Michelle Pfeiffer was delightfully evil. Apparently Ricky Gervais makes a cameo that I missed. The special effects weren’t great and that got on my nerves. And that’s all I got folks…I guess I should’ve napped beforehand. =)

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I got to have a little chat with comic book artist pal Reverend Dave Johnson on Saturday and learned of some tid-bits I thought my kittlings might be interested in. 1st off, it looks like Johnson’s art will make an appearance at some point on Drink and Draw alumni Kat Von D’s new show entitled LA INK, premiering on TLC August 7th @ 10pm. He told me he signed a release for the art to appear on the show, so be on the look out for some Reverend-y goodness at some point in the season.

And if you dig on the Micronauts, keep your fingers crossed for Warner Bros. to launch a cartoon series, as Johnson has been given a green-light to develop the show. Keep in mind that his art direction project (BEN 10) was in development for over 2 years, so we have some waiting on our hands, but nevertheless this is some excellent news for Johnson and Micronauts fans alike. I have seen some of the preliminary art and it looks FAN-Fing-TASTIC!!! We will all be in for a treat if this show is picked up!

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And finally, I have a little BONUS for my faithful readers, as Aaron Plante wrote this little story of possible fame and fortune as he exploits the white trash in the Poconos. Aaron traveled there this past weekend with friends for a white water rafting trip. Enjoy!


All:

I have tried to contact most of you, but for those of you who don't know, this weekend is big for all of us because we will be premiering the first-ever film short dedicated to our weekend. That's right, all of you attending will be stars. The goal is simple: create a short detailing our adventures, post on YouTube, get the hell clicked out of it and start a film company called Cracker Crumbs, Inc., generate more senseless shorts for the cubicle-curious and sell it to Google in two years for a cool $60 million. (Of which I promise each of you $8.37.)

The film will be titled:
"Pocono Rapid Nights...the legend of Jimmy Thorpey"
or "A River Runs Through Ricky Bobby's Nights"
or "Days of Pocono Thunder"

The Plot:
A group of friends travel to Lake Harmony, Pa for a whitewater weekend extravaganza. Locals inform them days before their weekend that the lake and surrounding area will be overshadowed by the arrival of a strange and mystical race of inbred humanoids called "NASCARdigans." They take human form upon arrival and can only be distinguished from authentic humans by the addition of their unique communications devices affixed to their heads. These devices mimic human hair but sport cilliated spikes on the top of the head to intercept incoming signals and long swooping antennae in the back to send signals.

Peter Chauncer, the only known survivor of a NASCARdigan attack in Daytona, Florida, overheard them calling the comm links "MULti-Link Electro-biologic Telecommunicators" or MULLETs. Peter is still recovering at an undisclosed mental hospital. According to Peter, NASCARdigans use these MULLETS to quickly transfer information between each other and they also serve to block cell phone and Wi-Fi frequencies making it difficult for urbanites to communicate in rural locales. See attached photos for example.

Many NASCARdigans also employ the use of Commlink Apex Proclaimers (CAPs) to boost signal transductions and display their comm link channel (i.e., "#8," "#3," "#24" etc.). They are also frequently seen with cans of nutritional substances dubbed "Containers Having Essential Aggregate Personal Beneficial Environmental Enhanced Rations" (CHEAPBEER). Although serving no known purpose, they may also be seen in sleeveless shirt.

The movie will highlight the battle between the forces of good, evil and heavy drinking. Our group of friends will come into intermittent contact with the NASCARdigans and individual sub-plots will also be featured.

The film will end with a fierce battle, as the remaining members of the whitewater group head into certain assimilation as they go into the heart of the NASCARdigan's fortress: The Pocono Raceway.

Volunteers are needed for this final scene. Please reply if you will be able to make it for race day so we can have our insider acquire the correct amount of Terra Identification Council Konfirmed Existence Tags (TICKETS).

Only you can make this film successful!

Oh and we'll need to confirm who's bringing what for food, because we've been told on several occasions that the NASCARdigans pillage local food outlets not only for CHEAPBEER, but also to destroy our food supply in the hopes of crippling us.
Start yur ingines and see youz at the track.

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Till next time Kittlings~
(((PIC #1, naptime for Mary @ the STARDUST screening; Pic #2- a part of the movie I was actually awake for, Michelle Pfeiffer on a quest for a star; Pic# 3 - KAT VON D gearing up for her new show on TLC)))